One fairly common story that I hear many MoMs talk about is their lack of a “normal” pregnancy and delivery.
Many of us mourn the easiness that others appear to have. We are scrutinized for our fertility choices, inability to deliver vaginally and feed our babies just like everyone else. All of us seem to know at least one person who got pregnant exactly when they wanted to, had tons of energy during an uncomplicated pregnancy, which preceded a birth that went off without a hitch, followed by a newborn who slept through the night at 6 weeks.
You all know someone like that don’t you? And you think to yourself, well if I ever do it again, next time will be different. It will be the easy pregnancy.
The easy pregnancy. Well, I just got through my “easy” pregnancy. And I hate to tell all of you, it was not easy.
My mulitples pregnancy had its challenges. If I can say nothing else, it was overwhelming. Let me rephrase that…OVERWHELMING and anxiety-producing. I just really wanted everything to be alright and us all to come out on the other side as a family.
I mourned various “losses.” But we did come out alright. I always wondered what I had missed with that “normal” pregnancy I just didn’t have. So, we tried again and I knew this would be my easy pregnancy. And that it would be my last pregnancy.
Miscarriages, abnormal lab results, hypertension, pain and another c-section…and no more chances after this one. Why couldn’t I just be that other person? The normal one?
During this pregnancy I had a great fear that something would go wrong. I’m sure that is somewhat normal for all mothers. I wanted so badly to give birth vaginally, no drugs. I did yoga and hyponobirthing in preparation for this and I wanted to be a partner with my baby in what is the most natural thing that a woman’s body should do. As a part of this, I underwent hypnosis to release those fears.
During this is when I realized that all of the terrible things that you read about, still birth, nuchal cord, maternal death, those WERE NOT MY STORY.
I could not own stories or fear stories or want stories (good or bad) that were not mine. I feel that this is a very important lesson for me and for others.
No, my journey was not the “perfect” picture. But it was mine.
Own what is yours. Own your complications. Own your lessons. Not to sound too “Pollyanna,” but your journey is what created you, created your family, and created love. Isn’t that better than wishing and wanting?
Another big part of this for me is that I knew there would be no more pregnancies (barring immaculate intervention). So, immediately I started mourning again what did not happen for me. And it seemed like every hour that went by I would grow teary that my baby was growing faster than I wanted her to. (OK, I know a little baby crazies (blues) affects everyone, but bear with me).
But a dear friend reminded me, don’t mourn, CELEBRATE the moment. That and use up every digital chip that you have for your camera.
Huh. No one else ever said it that way.
So my circumstances were not perfect and they never will be. And I am not saying that I don’t revisit what could have been, but these two little seemingly simple things get me through the harder times.
And prepare yourself for the next chapter.